All over again
It’s no secret that during my last pregnancy I struggled with prenatal anxiety and depression, I wrote a bloody show about it. This time around I feel a lot less anxious, which is great, but it comes with its own struggles.
As a consistent precursor, I’m incredibly grateful to be pregnant again (we were trying for over a year this time around) but it’s also HARD. Physically and mentally.
Physically I’m incredibly tired, all the time. This affects me mentally as I feel like I’ve got less patience with Bobby, I’m totally unable to focus on work, I have very little energy for socialising and I’m basically a mute recluse by the time my husband gets home from work and Bobbys in bed.
It’s really hard to have fun and be fun and generally function when you’re growing and raising a human.
I remember this feeling so well from my first pregnancy and the first year of Bobbys life. Feeling like a crap friend/wife/worker. Forgetting what it feels like to want to do stuff rather than just force yourself cos you should.
This time round it is different, because I know I can get through it and that you do find a way back to yourself. But also because I can look back and see that whilst I was being crap at those things, I was being an incredible mother. And when you’re faced with a task that big, it takes over. And I know this time that all my wonderful friends (old and new) and family don’t give a shit if I’m not up for downing tequila, as long as I’m ok.
It’s hard work, but the reward is unbeatable. It’s the last day of maternalmentalhealthweek so this post felt apt. Hope everyone is surviving.
Who knows, maybe that pregnancy glow will find me at some point this time around? 🤰🏼😴