I wanted to write a blog dedicated to my mum friends for international woman’s day. I know it’s late but I have a toddler and a job and I’m trying to buy and sell a house and I have tonsillitis and thrush so I’ve been a bit preoccupied.
When people talk about mums, groups of mums or mothers meetings there’s always a narrative of clicky women who compete with each other over who’s babys more advanced, it’s portrayed like we all sit and bitch about each other’s parenting style. Sitcoms and films tend to have one ‘cool mum’ who’s down to earth and all the other mums are insufferable.
When I had bobby I kept getting asked the question ‘how are you finding the other mums you meeting?’ often with an eye roll as if I must be encountering some judgemental, boring, preachy women.
I can not express enough how absolutely opposite to this my experience has been. Every single mother I’ve spoken to since having bobby has done or said something that has been supportive, cheered me up or offered me reassurance. I don’t know where I’d be without the amazing mothers I’ve met. Baby and toddler groups get me through the week. Yes, we are all different and we all do things differently but there’s no judgement involved in that, in fact I’ve never met a community more open to learning from each other and asking for help. We have a shared experience that transcends pettiness, we are all aware that we are just doing our best at something that can feel impossible.
When I’ve talked to mums or written these blogs about things I feel mum guilt about like when bob stuck his hand in my tea and I had to take him to a&e or when I’ve been so tired I’ve felt like walking out the house and not coming back, all I’ve been met with is understanding, support and mums sharing similar experiences to reassure me. Never once have I felt made to feel like a bad mum.
Obviously I’m sure there are some knob heads with kids out there, just like there is in every group of people but for me this whole portrayal of mums being catty bitches is just another example of women being pitted against each other. It’s not the reality I’ve experienced.
So thank you to all my mum mates, who listen to my long voice notes, sit in the park for hours with me, send me a text checking in and don’t judge me for using biscuits to bribe my child. You really are all incredible women.