Sex, sparks and stretch marks.
I really like sex. That’s what got me in this mess in the first place. I’ve had my issues with it in the past, due to my endometriosis I have gone through times where penetration is painful, and herpes tends to get in the way now and again. But overall, especially in recent years, I give sex a big thumbs up. I’m a keep-the-lights-on, no-need-for-clothes kind of girl. But I must make one thing clear, this is only WHEN I CAN BE BOTHERED. If I’m knackered or not in the mood, I will sit in my hoody farting until neither of us are. I reject the pressure on women to be constantly sexy and ‘up for it.’ I thought I might get a break from that for a few months, but no such luck.
There is a lot of information out there about sex and relationships during pregnancy, which is great, it’s super important that we talk about these things and have access to advice. It’s good to know that having a shag won’t harm the baby (in most cases) and that certain positions make it easier to work around the bump. What we don’t need is articles that guilt trip us into shagging more than we can be arsed to. Sex is an important part of any relationship, but so is mutual respect and understanding. Tell me one more time how I need to ‘keep the spark alive’, tell me how I should try sex in the morning if I’m too tired by the end of the day, tell me how to hide my body if I feel self-conscious so that I can make sure my husband doesn’t feel rejected. I will tell you how some days I’m knackered from the minute I wake up, I’ll tell you that it’s really hard feeling confident in an ever expanding, changing body that feels alien to you. I’ll tell you I don’t want to cover it up, I want to learn to enjoy it. I’ll tell you that if my husband gets restless cos for a week here and there, I’m too busy growing a new life and working out my own new life to nosh him off, we’ve got bigger problems than the fucking spark.
As I’ve talked about in my previous blogs, I’ve had quite a lot of anxiety during my pregnancy. Will the baby be OK? Will I be a good mum? Will there be a second wave of Covid? The list is endless. Please, let’s not add, ‘Am I pleasuring my husband enough?’ to it. Don’t get me wrong, I have experienced the pregnancy horn and the more intense orgasms but I’ve also experienced feeling like a fat troll and an inability to orgasm a few times. Pregnancy (so far for me at least) is a roller coaster of intense emotions and challenges and that doesn’t stop when it comes to our sex lives. My husband is incredibly patient and understanding and has not once made me feel any pressure to have or want to have sex. I shouldn’t then be feeling that pressure from outside sources. Why don’t we write some articles for men explaining that if your partner is making a human the last thing you should be worrying about is getting your dick wet.
Stop trying to sell me sexy maternity underwear and oils to hide my stretch marks and just, for a few months, let me sit in my hoody and fart.