I Want It All.
It’s been too long since my last blog. That’s because I’ve been busy working on new projects, washing Weetabix out of a toddler’s hair and watching succession. last time I wrote I was exhausted, desperately trying to work out how I could still reach my career goals and be the mother I want to be. I went through a stage of wishing I didn’t have to work at all, then a stage of considering a complete career change, then a big old stage of feeling like I was failing.
I started to realise I didn’t want the same things I wanted before I had a baby. Gigging didn’t appeal to me anymore. All the career goals I’d set for myself just seemed pointless. I started to feel this shift in me, at first it felt like maybe I was losing my ambition, my drive, which are things about me that I’ve always loved. But actually, what it was, was that those goals weren’t serving me anymore. So, I’ve set myself new goals, goals that focus on fulfilment, balance and happiness rather than status or ladder climbing. I’m trying to stop measuring my days by productivity and start measuring them by enjoyment. I realise I’m in an incredibly privileged position to be able to do that.
Often, you hear the narrative ‘she could’ve been someone, but then she became a mother.’ But for me, becoming a mother made me realise I don’t have to live up to that version of ‘someone.’ I’ve created the best thing I’ll ever create; I’m doing the hardest job I’ll ever do. I’ve got nothing left to prove. Everything else is just a bonus. I do believe, as a woman, I can have it ‘all’ but my definition of all is just very different to Cosmopolitan’s.